Troubled but Grateful

Sometimes, being a human is really hard. Because all of us have expectations to meet.

And I really hate it when I could not hit to that particular someone's expectations and they leave me or try to put blames on me in another way, leaving me outcast or ignore my jokes and talks.

I tried very hard to make people around me happy, its not an easy thing to do.

Sometimes I make wrong decisions and other times I have to choose either one path to go.

I hate disappointing people around me.

I love peace, I love laughter.

I love people who will smile to me.

I love it when people smile, seriously a lot.

I do make sacrifices, but I know it is impossible to make everyone equal. During times like this I've to sacrifice time out with this person and show more concern to another.

It's not that I've a choice but I need to settle down and really find friends whom can understand me and be genuine with me.

When I'm sick,
feeling depressed,
acne all over my face,
fashion outfit unmatched,
too short,
too fat,
not clever enough (Low GPA),
not hardworking enough,
didn't smile enough,
not pretty enough,
being too serious, which at time is not my choice,
and of-cos choosing my own choice but got hated or dislike because that's not what others wants me to make.

It is my choice, and main thing is sometimes people around doesn't talk it out with me, leaving me hanging, because I did not hit their expectations.

People around me finds me very busy, busy with school, training, events, relationships (Family/GFs/BF) they prefer to assume than really ask me directly on what's going on with my life.

***

I hope everyone can take a break around and really enjoy their life, and balance out well.

I also hope everyone can stop by their friends and ask how are they doing and be Genuine to each other, stop stereotyping and assume negativity.

There are really a lot of times, or rather all of the time, I've to ask them what's going on.

Have a good talk, and I am always asking where do things go wrong, and hearing their reasons and me explaining myself.

It definitely worked.

But I just feel, I've given in too much until I didn't know what to do anymore.

Expectations, can be real stressful especially when Everyone of you mean A lot to me.

I may have lack the physical emotions in showing or proving it.

But I really hope more and more smiles can be form and everyone can learn to speak up and settle things nicely and genuinely wanting peace and not Egoistic in wanting to prove how Right are you when settling any problems.

I really hate it when my guy friends who tried to court me but I didn't accept them due to.. You know, no feelings?
And they just drift away from you and suddenly being good friends to complete Strangers.
Like.. WTF?
Is that even maturity...
I didn't hit to your expectations and you drifted me away, this is just terrible.
I respect guys/girls who can still be good friends if they couldn't be lovers.
That's what a good person should be right?
***

FAMILY EXPECTATIONS

Family expectations also stresses me out because I am the only child, so I feel that I have the responsibility to handle everything on my own and discipline myself in the most lenient and serious way.

I've so many people expecting me to be the best in  everything I do.

RELATIVES

I've relatives pointing on me because I went to ITE, I study business and spa management course (Which they stereotype as Its The End, No future in that course too)

I work my way up to polytechnic, studying through business and getting Cibtac certification in Massage and Anatomy examinations.

OTHERS

I want to prove to everyone that I also can make the best, proving to my parents that they can be proud of me, because I NEVER GAVE UP.

Even if I'm in ITE, I stand strong and head to RP.

And after my polytechnic, I'll be going overseas to complete my university.

It is darn expensive and torturing to sit and study but I believe and trust that I will and can make it.

I even have people around me pointing me down saying I am a shorty or I am fat.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat...?

HAHA, hilarious.

But you know what I strive my way to be as healthy and fit as I can be.

I've fallen before, therefore I stand back up stronger than ever.

" When people say I can't, I turn back looking at them saying 'Watch me' "

They got their karma here and there.

But I've got the most supportive and healthy parents that I could not even ask for more.

I will continue to be a better me and improve myself step by step.

***

Most importantly, thank you Skinny for bringing the best out of me.

Improving me and making me shine.

Never once you say things like wanting me to stop studying or quit working or attending events, you even take the effort to send me or pick me off from my event places.

Even planning to go overseas study with me, choosing the Best path for me.

I can never thank you enough for pampering me and showering me with your love.

You stick throughout with me, even accompany me to places that I always wanted to go, goggling out places and things we wanted to do.

I never thought anyone else will do these.

You even go to the extend that you pamper my mum by taking her to places to eat her favorite food or even introducing her nice places to go, accompany us go shopping etc..

These seems small but no one have ever think of even pampering other's parents.

You even fought well for me, whenever people try to find negative things to say about me, when I don't even know them or they don't even know me but only know my name.. (-.-")

Laaaaaaaaaaaaugh you ;D

***

But you know what, I am really grateful that some of you guys stick by thick and thin with me.

I am really grateful that you all hang on with me, believing in me.

Supporting me here and there in different ways.

Never ignore me or cast me aside, always ask how am I and catch up with me without even me asking for it, because I was that busy with my schedule.

Sharing notes with me and revising with me.

Taking care of me when I'm sick, getting coupons for me and helping me take freebies when I didn't even know anything about. Most importantly is guiding me through and encouraging me.

I really really Love you all :)

♡